Archive for July 2012

I’m back, and people are still idiots!

July 31, 2012

This week I am helping out with Vacation Bible School. For you LDSers, this is something the rest of the Christian world does. One week in the summer they have the kids come to the church and do something close to what we do in Primary. There is singing, crafts, a snack, and a bible story. It last 3 hours, and is for elementary age children. I volunteered to be in the nursery to watch babies of the people who are also helping out.

I showed up this morning, having no idea who else signed up for the nursery. As I walked in, there was a mother there with 2 little girls. One was 5 months old and the other 2 years old. I introduced myself and she introduced her children and said, “My baby hasn’t eaten yet. I meant to feed her before but I didn’t.”

Feed your own darn baby!

WHAT? As you all know, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and you all know what I am thinking. So did Idiot Mom. She saw the look of shock on my face. She then did say, “Well, maybe I can feed her real quick.” Ya think?

Before I could answer Rude Mom dropped off her 2 year old and said as fast as she could, “She has never been in daycare before.” and high tailed it. That little girl started screaming her head off.

She is screaming “MOM”, but thinking, “I love you woman but you are going to pay later for leaving me with this stranger. No sleep for you tonight!”

Idiot Mom then picked up her baby and left. Thank goodness her 2 year old didn’t cry and just started playing with toys. Well it turned out nobody else had signed up to help in the nursery. I stopped a passing chaplain and asked for him to find me help. The 2nd little girl is still crying, loudly, and did so for half an hour.

Then Awesome Mom came by with her 1 year old, saw me with a crying child and another girl and said, “Are you alone? I’ll just keep my baby.” God bless you!!

Luckily my friend Sharon, a chaplain’s wife, was hanging around and she agreed to come help me. I went to find Awesome Mom and tell her we were prepared to take her baby. She was working the same room as Idiot Mom. Awesome Mom brings her baby to the nursery, with her feed and dry. Idiot Mom brings her baby in 10 minutes later and says, “She needs a diaper change.” and left.

WHAT? Who does that? That is so inconsiderate! It would have taken that mom maybe 30 seconds to a minute to change her baby. Now I have to turn my back to the other BABIES and change her little one.


Don’t do that. When you have someone watching your kids, do NOT hand your little one off to them and say they need to be feed/changed. The only thing ruder than that is when you come across a bear with your friends and you flat out refuse to pee your pants!

Don’t worry, I peed my pants…and more!


Alaska 4th of July

July 6, 2012

We had a great 4th of July. Our awesome friend Bridget was featured in the local paper. This picture was on the front page of the paper. (Photo by Marc Lester (really nice guy) of the Anchorage Daily News, click on Bridget’s name to read the article and see more pictures)

Bridget with twins Reese, left, and Jackson. (Photo by Marc Lester)

Some people thought she was breastfeeding in this picture.
Some people are idiots.

A local celebrity saw it and called her up.  Well technically her owner called. Here in Anchorage there is a reindeer called Star that the people just love. This year was her 50th year of marching in the parade. If you are thinking, wow reindeer live a long life, than you are an idiot. They don’t.  The current Star is number 6.

Uncle Sam never lies, so it must be true, you are an idiot.

Her owner Albert is a super cute old man. He invited us not only to march in the parade but also to come over to his house, which is right on the route, and have a BBQ. *Who can say no to that? Bridget was so cool and invited our whole CAV unit to march. We met up at 10:30 at the parade staging area.  The wait was hard for a couple of toddlers but once we got going they were OK.

One of the toddlers was this guy. He is so cute but likes to scream, a lot.
His mom is earning a free ticket to heaven.

Rachel and Leia complained about wearing poofy skirts. Leia was nervous around Star but got use to it. We started out walking with Bridget’s teenagers holding Star’s sign. It was kind of weird to wave at the people as they had no idea who we were. Hindsight being what it is, I should have made a 1-40th CAV sign. At least I made one sign.

I made it the morning of the parade and didn’t do a great job.

Check out what the teenager is wearing in 50 degree weather.
Yup, you guessed it, idiot.

The route was a short one, just down a couple of blocks, over one, and back up. The reindeer peed twice and pooped once. One guy had pooper scooper detail. Always a highlight of any small parade, animals relieving themselves in front of us all with no inhibitions.

There was some soldiers marching 2 spots behind us, bet
they went right through the pee, idiots.

Then we headed over to Albert’s house with his cute old lady girlfriend. She informed me they have been together for 25 years. She said if they got married then he would stop courting her. She is either crazy or a genius. My money is on crazy. They had tons of food for us. We ate in the house, with our shoes on! That is was one of the best parts. Turns out they let the reindeer in the house.

No idiots here. Just me holding babies while mammas get
their food. I get baby time and they get a break, win/win.

They had a camera up with live feed of Star’s pen outside. A little while back someone tried to steal Star. **Who would do that? After we ate we headed home, tired and happy. Last year Leia and I marched in the parade with the girl scouts. Wonder how I can get in the parade next year?

My red, white and blue girls in their, yes, poofy dresses.
2 out of 3 people do not approve.

*Out of the whole CAV only 2 gals join the ARC gang. Lots of people go camping on the 4th, but lots don’t. So I’ll tell you who doesn’t come march in the parade and get free food afterwards, IDIOTS!

**If you don’t know who would steal a reindeer then watch Alaska State Troopers on the National Geographic Channel.

Chad’s 4th of July

July 5, 2012

Today Chad is writing this post. It’s all from a letter he sent me about his 4th of July. Some NFL coaches visited the troops.

The first picture is of Bill Cowher (the former Pittsburgh Steelers coach) and Eric Mangini the former assistant coach for the Patriots and head coach of the Browns and Jets.  They let me hold their superbowl rings in the picture.  I told coach Mangini to say hello to Steve Young for me.  I said, “He doesn’t know me, but I am a fellow Cougar.”

Notice one coach is holding a helmet and in the background is a bulletproof vest. These NFL coaches aren’t afraid of anything!

The second pic is of Leslie Frazier.  He is the current head coach of the Minnesota Vikings.  He seemed like a pretty spiritual guy.  He asked me if a lot of people get saved out here and I said that war definitely makes people think about life after death and whether there is a God or not.  As a player he played for Chicago Bears when they won the Super Bowl. I talked to him about how Jim Mcmahon was kind of the black sheep of BYU QB’s.  I said we all love him, but he doesn’t fit the mold of BYU.  He said, they all used to wonder why he went to BYU.

That guy won a Superbowl? He isn’t that much bigger than Chad!

At 9 am they arrived on the helicopters, I was part of the greeting party.

We then moved to the mortar pit so they could shoot some rockets.  They let each coach shoot rockets, which they loved.

At a little after 10 am they moved into the chapel to do some autographs and answer questions.  It was fun for the soldiers and the coaches had a great time as well.  That lasted for about an hour and a half.  (Word on the street is was super hot in the chapel so some guys skipped it.)

Then we took them to the chow hall where our five star chef from the Billagio in Las Vegas (that’s not a joke) cooked up his special fresh burgers and some hot dogs etc. for a 4th of July firework show.  The chef love the Chiefs and coach Mangini knows a coach on the Chiefs, so he called the Chiefs coach and let George talk to him.

We took all the coaches down to the Helicopter Landing Zone and waited for their bird to arrive.  It never did.  In the meantime LTC Cassibry came down and talked to them for a while.  Then we did some checking and found out that we were supposed to arrange for their flight to the next base, we didn’t do that.  The point of contact for the Squadron did not pass on that information before he went on a mission the other night.  So, the coaches were stuck with us longer than they planned.

We took them back to the dining facility and I became the secondary leader of the tour.  LTC Cassibry came over again and talked to them.  We had our cannons firing, unannounced and they all got a little worried with the loud boom.  I finally got to eat lunch during that time.  (I missed it earlier because I was talking with a Soldier.)

Then they scheduled them for another flight and we had to run to the HLZ.  I helped escort them again and snagged some photos. It was a fun day, but a little tiring. Now the chapel smells like sweaty men.

Anyway, like I said, it was a good time.  Now I am excited about football season.

The last picture are of some SWAG (Stuff We All Get) I got.  One person in their entourage gave me an NFL pin.  Then another guy who works for the NFL gave me a shirt.  That guy knew Chad Lewis, former BYU tight end and Philadelphia Eagle.  The coin is from Coach Frazier, obviously.  He said he appreciated the work I was doing out here and that I must have a tough job.

NFL stands for no free lunch, no fire line, or national federation of labor, For me it stands for nerd for life.

I heart Google

July 4, 2012

I am a terrible speller. That little red squiggly line shows up more often than I like. Some due to poor typing, a few to the fact my contacts dry out by the end of the night, others because I am tired from playing referee to El Diablo and *Two-Face’s boxing matches, and some because of the DNA I inherited from my parents. When the little red line shows up, I highlight it and right click it. A list pops up and offers suggestions to what in the world I might be trying to spell. Often, too often, the word I’m trying to spell doesn’t come up. Sometimes it says no suggestions. Interesting. For example I misspelled squiggly from the second sentence. I typed squilly. When I highlighted it and right click, my offered suggestions where, squally, squiffy, squidgy, and Squibb. Nope, not what I was going for. So I head over to google, type in squilly. It brings up, Did you mean: squiggly  YES! Yes, I did. Google is smarter than the red squiggly line.

What we have learned is:

1. Nothing is my fault. It’s my parent’s.

2. Squiggly has gs in it.

3. Google understands the lower educated mind better than the red your an idiot line.

There, just try and get those 2 minutes back, sucker!

*Two-Face is Leia. This is from the Batman villain. She has a good side and a bad side and I never know who is going to show up. It’s just a flip of the coin and a silent pray it doesn’t land on the scarred side.

Losing Control

July 3, 2012

When we first moved to Alaska we moved into a handicap home on post. Rachel’s birthday soon approached and I got this crazy idea to paint her room while she was at school. She really enjoyed the Harry Potter books so I decided to go with that theme. I picked out the colors and surprised her. She loved it.  This is what I came up with.

Light, pretty, good job mom.

After her birthday I order her a Harry Potter blanket, poster, gathered up old looking boxes, hung up curtains to match the maroon pillow and even found her a snowy owl. It was very nice. Then a handicapped lady needed out home and we moved down the street. The girls wanted me to paint their rooms in the new house. I promised them as soon as daddy deployed I would. Well…7 months later, we are! Since it wasn’t a surprise this time, Rachel wanted to pick out her colors. Fine. She still wanted a Harry Potter room but not in *purple. Her idea was to do it in the Gryffindor colors, maroon and gold. I got her some color swatches and let her pick. She picked the worst ones, red and yellow, ketchup and mustard. Ugh. I tired to persuade her to different colors but it was a no go. This left me with the question, should I pull rank or use the colors she picked? It is her room and perhaps she will keep it clean since she designed it. My role as a mom is to teach my kids to survive in this world without me. Now is the time for them to make minor mistakes and learn from them. So ugly room or not, here we go. There is a few things left to do but here is her design.

Not as bad as I thought. We need to get some artwork for the walls but I think she did pretty good for her first design. Maybe I’ll even let her pick what goes on the walls. Maybe….

P.S. This was Rachel’s idea. Our walls are uber bumpy and it was very hard to do. I think I will get some gold frames to put around each letter. Humm…how do I get Rachel to come up with that idea on her own?

H P stands for horrible paint. ;)

H P stands for horrible paint. 😉

*The purple room I got  inspiration from the covers of the Harry Potter books.