Archive for August 2012

Pets Are Not People

August 30, 2012

We do not have any pets. My husband is allergic to animals. I don’t know all the details and I know there are some pets that are hypoallergenic. Don’t care. We are not having any pets.

Pets are a pain in the butt. If you take a little vacation you have to find someone to take care of them. Your pet will never grow out of the 2 year old stage. He/she will not go potty on a toilet and flush it. (Unless you have the cat from “Meet the Parents”.) He/she will not take care of their own snacks. He/she will not say the cutest things that you just have to post on Facebook. (Maybe a bird will, but you really shouldn’t put that on Facebook.) At the end of the day, your beloved pet is an animal.

Now I know a lot of you have a pet and maybe some of you really enjoy your pet. Great. If you want to spend the next decade picking up poop, go for it. Love them, take care of them but remember, they do not have the ability for higher thinking, ever. Just check out before you send me hate mail.

Also don’t call your dog your baby. Don’t pretend he/she is one of your children. It’s sad and confusing.

One day I was at my friend Sara’s house and I got onto her computer and hack into her Facebook account. (My internet wasn’t working, it’s a long story.) As I was scrolling through her news feed, one post caught my eye. A friend had posted about her little one being in the hospital and having surgery. I immediately told Sara she had to read this. It was so sad. Sara took one look and said, “It’s her dog.”


Bridget was there and said jokingly, “You should comment on her post, You know you can go buy a new dog right?” We all laughed and laughed and I did not post that on Sara’s friends page.

2 days ago Bridget told me about a Facebook page called Justice For Scout. Apparently someone on the military post had a rat problem and used some rat poison in their backyard. The neighbor’s had a dog named Scout who somehow or another died from the poison. It doesn’t say on the Facebook page about how he ingested the poison. Just that he was sick and the owner took him to the vet. When he died the vet said it was from the poison.

Very sad, especially if your husband is deployed and you have to deal with it alone. I would be sad too. However I would not make a Facebook page, threaten to take this story to the media AND beg housing to move me to a new house. Housing agreed to let them move but they would have to pay for it themselves. On the Facebook page they are setting up fund raisers to help pay for their move. Why? Because they can’t pay for it. This bothers me as I know for a fact, her husband is getting more money being deployed. What in the world is she doing with that money that she can’t afford a moving company to move her? Anywho, she is trying to take the family to court who put down the poison, which by the way, you are allowed to use on post.

It’s a bit extreme, especially when you can go get a new dog.

If you want to love your pets so much you call them family and have them in you family photo, fine. Just know it’s not normal and  I will make fun of  you. Here are some of your peeps. Enjoy.

Single white male looking for love. Must be female, over 21 and breathes air. Must also love cats and lasers.

I’m pretty sure I’m related to these guys on my mother’s side of the family. Obviously the boys are SUPER happy the dog is there.

A. The dogs hair is just a mess. B. Where is Barbie’s matching pearls? And C. Shouldn’t a man be in the picture and not a dog?

This picture is borderline offensives. Luckily I can just see the top of his pants. That poor dog. She should put some rat poison down for her owner to find.


Mid-Week Mommy Helps: Saving School Work

August 29, 2012

My mentor in blogging has organized a couple of her days to specific themes and I am following suit.

Wednesday is ideas for helping us survive being mommies. If you have a great idea, send me a message and I would love to have you guest blog about it.

This week is Saving School Work.

I love my elementary scrapbook with all my horrible art projects and the kids love to look at them as well. Since I am obvious too busy to even do Elizabeth’s baby book, I came up with a plan. I bought magazine holders from Office Max.

I label each folder and since I have to have things symmetrical, the bottom right one is for me. During the school year I just stick in any important paper, cool art, and A+ papers. It is helpful to really quick jot down their name, their grade and the month. Rachel has pulled out her old school work to look at them and unorganized it. Not cool.

At the end of the school year go buy some expanding file folders and label them. You can get all cute and fancy with the labeling. Not for me. This is a quick project with little work. A Kindergarten year will take up a whole folder with all their art. With older grades you can get a couple of years into one expanding folder.

Now comes the really hard part. Take out your child’s hard work and put it into the folder.

It took me 15 minutes total to go from the above to the below.

Easy peesy. Now the girl’s stuff is organized and if I get the hankering to, I can make official scrapbooks. If not, they can do them when they are grown.

Happy Birthday Elizabeth or I Suck.

August 28, 2012

Yesterday Elizabeth turned 6 years old.

Almost 7 years ago I sat in a doctor’s office and he asked me if I really did want another baby. I paused for a minute and thought about saying no. But I didn’t. I took the magic fertility pills and 3 months later I was pregnant.

We prayed for another girl and were so excited when we found out we were having a girl. Rachel cried because she wanted a baby brother, Leia didn’t care.

For the first 3 months of pregnancy I was depressed. It was very weird as I wanted to get pregnant. It went away but then Elizabeth went a week over her due date and I was severely depressed. I didn’t experience anything like this with my first 2 pregnancies.

Elizabeth was born, healthy and super chunky. She was adorable. She was an amazing baby. She would let people squeezes her chubby checks. She was a great sleeper, partially because we would let her cry herself to sleep at 3 months. She would let anyone hold her and we really enjoyed her easy going nature. She made our family complete.

At 2 months or so Elizabeth found her fingers and started to suck on them. She would put her index and middle finger in her mouth upside down. We thought it was so cute and took a picture.*

Here is were I suck. I can’t find that picture, or any baby pictures. We do have an 0ld computer and I think there are pictures on it but I don’t know how to get them off of the hard drive. I am once again depressed.

Here is the oldest picture I can find because it was on Facebook. It’s from 2007

Look how happy I am. So young, so innocent.

The next picture I can find of her is from 2009.

2 princesses from Mario Brothers. Elizabeth thought her character would be better if it was evil. She refused to take out the fangs.

Another picture I found from 2009 is this one. Isn’t she cute?

All the little divots are were Elizabeth dug her finger into the soap and then ate it.

When Chad gets home from war, as I was instructed to, I will not ask him to do anything for the first week. Day 8 I will ask that man to help me find Elizabeth’s baby pictures. Then I will finally make Elizabeth’s baby book.

Yes, I suck.

Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

*Elizabeth to this day, still sucks her fingers upside down and her teeth are slanted because of it. Not so cute.

Military Mondays: Spouse’s Ranks

August 27, 2012

I have decided to devote Mondays to the crazy world of the Military. Just a little inside look about what life is like for me being married to a soldier. My experiences will not be the same as others, my point of view might be a little different than other military wives and that’s OK. Here we go.

Spouse’s Ranks.

What is that, you might ask.

It’s nothing, it doesn’t exists.

Not everyone believes this. Some woman feel that if their husband is higher ranking, then they are more important than other wives. It’s not true but one reason why might be because of the following.

The *wife of any commander is general look upon to be the FRG leader. Does she have to? No. It’s a volunteer position. However if her husband is a Captain and higher, he has been in the Army for a while. So the think is she has been around the Army for a while as well and should know how things work. Not always true and some wives feel the pressure to be a leader when they are not qualified to do so. I spoke with a commander of a different unit’s wife and she has no position in her FRG. At first I was shocked (oops) and then she explained how it wasn’t a good fit for her personality. She opened my eyes.

Wives should volunteer for things they are capable of doing because of who they are, not because of the rank on their husband’s chest.

After I had been in Alaska for a few months a lady sent me an email explaining all the things I was doing wrong as a chaplain’s wife. She informed me that what my husband does reflects on me and vice versa.

No, no it doesn’t. I don’t recall my husband ever putting his paper in for a promotion and there was a slot that said, “List all wife’s achievements in life.”   Could I maybe kiss up to be best friends with the wife of my husband’s boss and try to get a good review for him that way?  Sure, but I’m a decided person and chances are it wouldn’t work anyway.

The aforementioned lady’s husband was promoted and she changed over night. Suddenly she had to be best friends with everyone in a fake “look how important I am” way. It was not pretty. I really don’t care for her because of they way she treats me and other people. I still talk to her and don’t avoid her but we aren’t going to the movies together.

I like people because of who they are, not because their husband is enlisted or an officer.

Does this mean I think the wives of any soldier should just turn their back on the Army? No. However I don’t think a wife should use her husband as a means of raising her self esteem and self worth. You can be proud of your husband but he earned his rank, not you. He went to trainings, he went to a gazillion boring meetings, he got shot at. He might have survived it a little better because of your love and support, but plenty single soldiers did it too.

What we need is strong confident women to help out the younger wives in the military. To mentor them to also become strong women. With my husband being in the Army I understand the I don’t come first. The Army tells him what to do and we do it, even if I don’t like it. (Hello Alaska!) We don’t get a lot of say. That can be really hard for some people to understand. Instead of saying, “Look how important I am”, I can say, “You are important too. How are you doing?” and really mean it.

So don’t worry about what your husband does. Instead focus on what you can do to make things better. Start a walking group, reading group, movie group. Go back to school. Invite people over for dinner and get to know them. Make personal goals for yourself and work on them. If women who wear their husband’s rank would do this, I think the Army would be a better place.

The above shirt is found here.

*I used the word wives, but there are men spouses too. Don’t be freakin’ out.


August 24, 2012

Last night I went to Zumba with Megan for the first time.

“Are you ready to party yourself into shape? That’s exactly what the Zumba® program is all about. It’s an exhilarating, effective, easy-to-follow, Latin-inspired, calorie-burning dance fitness-party™ that’s moving millions of people toward joy and health.”

One gal here isn’t ready to party herself into shape, Bridget. Partially because she is already in shape, but still.

Earlier that day Megan, and I were hanging out at Bridget’s watching Sara’s kids. Lucas, Sara’s little boy pulled out Megan’s shimmy hip scarf out of her purse.

The jingle of the skirt covers up the sound of the fat rolls being forced to move in ways it never has before.

This brought up the subject of Zumba. I was all for it.

So what if I can’t dance, have no rhythm, and move about on weird bow legs? It’s fun and that’s all that matters to me.

Bridget feels a little bit different. She has some pride, I do not. Even though she was hesitant, Bridget started to buckle under pressure until she found out that it cost 8 bucks a class.

She didn’t come.

Class started and Megan and I were in the second row. The gal in front of me was not doing so great. She was having a hard time keeping up and Zumba moves fast. It’s mostly to Latin Samba music and Hip Hop. (Yes, Bridget, they played Apple Bottom Jeans, boots with the fur…) The poor girl couldn’t quite figure out the steps and if she did she looked like either a 2 year old or an 70 year old person dancing for the first time. I danced over to Megan and said,

“Bridget, should have come! Their is no way she is worse than that girl. Hum…I think I have met her before. I remember her being nice.”

Megan just smiled at me and kept dancing.

After the song ended, Megan went up to “that girl” and said hi.

I sure have met “that girl” before. At a BBQ at Megan’s house! It’s one of her good friends.

Obviously I am not.

Deployment Good

August 23, 2012

I am so happy Chad is deployed, I think it saved our marrage.

What? Am I crazy? Shouldn’t I want my husband around 24/7? What kind of awful wife am I?

Hold on. Let me explain.

It all has to do with Elizabeth and Leia. It has been documented before but for any newbies, here is the 411.

Leia is like a cat. She wants to be left alone. Sure she will play with you but ONLY if it’s her idea. If she is upset she will let you know.

Leave me alone!

Elizabeth is like a dog. She LOVES to be around people and play, even if you don’t want to. She reminds me of Sara’s dog. I have spent the last 8 months hanging out at Sara’s house and not once have I thrown her stupid dog his chew toy. Yet every time I come over he still drags it over to me and drops it at my feet. Elizabeth won’t give up bugging you even though you have said no a thousand times.

Yes, Elizabeth talks none stop and it pretty much sounds just like that.

Get the two together for a whole summer and you get this:

I didn’t want to do this but you forced me, I will not throw your chew toy, EVER!

Previous summers it has been only yelling and tongue sticking outing. This year it went physical. It doesn’t have anything to do with dad being gone, it was just inevitable. My dad didn’t go off to war but I have a nice scar were my sister Krystal dug her talons into my arm.

This brings me to my point. The kids have worn me out this summer with all their fighting. If Chad was here, he would come home every night to see me looking like this:

Hi, Hon, the house is a wreck, no dinner is made and I just about murdered your offspring again. Don’t ya love me?

Thankfully school has started and I can get back to my old self. Next summer I plan on finding every camp I can and splitting up those two animals. It’s important for my sanity, my livelihood and my marriage.

El Diablo

August 22, 2012

I have spoken a thousand time with El Diablo that she cannot take food upstairs to the TV/toy room. She is getting mixed signals as I allow popcorn and water when we watch a movie. I tell her time and time again other food stains the carpet.  I figure her 5 year old (6 in one week) brain should comprehend this simple notion. Popcorn = good, all other food = bad. Nope. This is what I found last week.

Really? Frozen cheese sticks? Gross.

With Daddy coming home in about 6 weeks (yay!) I decided to get a carpet cleaner and pretend the whole time he has been gone, we have been living in a happy healthy home. Since El Diablo is the cause of most of the stains in the TV/toy room, I figured she should be the one to clean it up. After another lecture, I sent her in to clean. Ahh, that will show her the error of her ways. Cleaning is hard. Hee hee.

“Mom, this is the best! We should do this more often! Thanks!”

She loved it. Grrr. Even with this weird old carpet cleaner the housing lets us borrow for free. It’s gross and a pain, well for me. Elizabeth had no problem as she didn’t have to carry it up the stairs and then clean the thing out. One of the buckets doesn’t even come out of the machine. Awesome. Elizabeth just had to deal with another lecture by me about not bring food upstairs.

That night I went to tuck Elizabeth into bed. As I walked in her room, I noticed it smelled really sweet.

Me: “What is that smell, girls?”

Leia: “That is strawberries.”

Me: “What?”

Leia: “Elizabeth was eating strawberries.”