Archive for February 2013

Don’t Be A Facebook Hater

February 27, 2013

Yesterday I was on Facebook (shocker!) when I came across a friend’s post. It was this photo.

Under it she had typed, “Interesting. Anybody know if this is true?”

There are plenty of “hater” pictures and photos about the government and President Obama on Facebook that seem so one sided, so I appreciated that my friend was asking about the picture instead of saying, “You suck!” Then I checked the comments to see what people were saying.

Hello! Fight time!

A mutual friend of ours posted a comment about the picture. It doesn’t matter what she said. What matters is that somebody I don’t know decided she needed to tell my friend how wrong she was.  Instead of addressing the picture she decided to get after my friend. Strange Girl typed in my friend’s name then add three periods, like she was thinking whether or not to correct her, and then launched on in. As I read Strange Girl’s rant, I got mad. She was yelling at my friend who just put her opinion on a post. Amongst her yelling, SG typed in information that just wasn’t true but  she must have seen it on somebody else’s Facebook status and believed it. She ended with a sassy remark that if said in person might just get SG a slap in the face. I don’t know if my friend who posted the comment knows Strange Girl. I know my friend who posted the picture knows her. Maybe SG is normally really nice in person but just went crazy for some reason. I know I have done that before. What I haven’t done is what she did next. Strange Girl posted three more comments, including a video link that somebody had already posted in the same comment thread. What is up with that? The whole thing made me mad and I wanted to yell at SG for yelling.

Not cool.

Here is my point. Instead of yelling at people you may or may not know, how about you write congress and yell at them. Hopefully all the people ranting and raving on Facebook are talking to people who can change things. It’s good to be informed but when I see something on FB, I go research it and found out for myself if it’s true. Then if I have issues I can email any Senators by going to http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfmand .

Stop yelling at my friends! Sheesh.

Rottenecards_3655453_pxtbprvd8g

You Have TO!

February 26, 2013

Let me start this out by stating Chad has written me a bunch of love songs. Not a few, a bunch, maybe 25. He has them all in a binder. Some are romantic, some funny (one is titled “Your My Princess Leia.”) and all come from his heart.

I love Josh Groban’s music.

Chad hates him. Not because of the music, just the fact that I listen to another man’s songs. I also enjoy Celine Dion who is in the same genre and Chad could care less that I like her music. It’s kind of cute and kind of a pain in the butt.

He’s not a good looking man but he still gets under Chad’s skin. Now Thor is a whole different post. 🙂

On February 6 Josh (Yes, we are on a first name basis. He calls me Weirdo.) released his new album “All That Echos”. He also did a special concert that was available to see at the movie theaters on the same day. I first saw the advertisement in December when I went on a double date with Sharon (Evil Friend) and her husband to see The Hobbit. (Two Thumbs UP!) My little brain figured if I asked Chad to go with me to the movie theaters to watch Josh Groban, he would say no. So I asked Evil Friend to suggest it to Chad on the sly. That way he could think he was surprising me and being all romantic. Well she forgot and Chad never saw any of the posters or running add on the screens above the concession stands. Needless to say, we didn’t go.

Fast forward to Valentine’s Day. We had our fun little contest (see who can buy the better As Seen On TV gift) but Chad, Mr. Romantic, wanted to do something more. I had been talking about the new Josh album coming out as I listen to his music as I run and it would be fun to have some new music to add to my playlist. (You only wish you were as cool and classy as me. Hu-huh.) I would mention this at least 3 times a week if not more. Any who, Chad asked if there was anything I wanted and I didn’t want to flat out say it, NOT ROMANTICAL, so I gave him a hint. I told him whatever it was I wanted was ranked number one. Josh’s album was listed number one according to his Facebook page. Chad didn’t look super happy but headed off to work. He googled number one things in America and got a bunch of sport listings. That evening he was grumps as he had no clue what I wanted. He wanted to get what I wanted, but he just didn’t know what it was. I was grumps because I thought it was obvious.  I sent this text to Sara.

photo

Well as you know, Chad did figure it out without me having Sara call him. I had to text Sara again and let her know.

photo (1)

photo (2)

So it was a good ending to the story. Was it worth all the stress and grumps?

No. Being moody because you can’t read your spouses mind is NOT ROMANTICAL.

As I wrote about yesterday we went to a marriage retreat this weekend. It was “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage.” with Mark Gungor. The guy is very funny and he has a book out if you are interested. One thing he mentioned in the video was that men tend to focus on one thing. It calls it their boxes. So if he is watching sports, everything around him is block out as he is in his sport box. Not fire, mayhem, or natural disasters are going to get his attention so you asking him to take out the garbage sure as heck, is not gettin’ through. He said that women need to ask men multiple times. All the women he first told this too would say, “But I shouldn’t have to.” Mark Gungor looked at us and yelled, “YOU HAVE TO.”

He is right. We have to ask men to do stuff for us and not assume they can read our minds. It just ends us up in grumpsland.

WELLLL…yesterday on Josh Groban’s Facebook page come up information of 2 concerts that he is holding in August. One is in Virginia, near Fort Bragg and it’s on our anniversary date. My first thought was, “How can I get this information to Chad without me asking if we could go? Maybe I could get on his Facebook account and make him like Josh Groban’s page and then he would see it. No, that won’t work. He is hardly on FB. Asking Evil Friend to tell him didn’t work last time. Hummm….”

Really? I just went through the grumps with this very issue and just had training about NOT doing that.

Long story short (TOO LATE), I asked him last night and he said yes! No grumps and he was kind of excited about it.

Now if for some reason his work won’t let him go (it’s on a Friday) it’s not a problem. Sara is moving to Virginia in June and I’ll just force her to go with me instead. Perfect.

What You Must Never Say

February 25, 2013

The Army has a great program called Strong Bonds. It is “a unit-based, chaplain-led program which assists commanders in building individual resiliency by strengthening the Army Family. The core mission of the Strong Bonds program is to increase individual Soldier and Family member readiness through relationship education and skills training.

Strong Bonds is conducted in an offsite retreat format in order to maximize the training effect. The retreat or “get away” provides a fun, safe, and secure environment in which to address the impact of relocations, deployments, and military lifestyle stressors.” (http://www.strongbonds.org)

In other words, it’s a marriage retreat put on by the chaplain at a hotel with free childcare, room and food. The chaplains are trained to teach different books like “The 5 Love Languages”, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families” and “How To Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage.” They are a lot of fun.

This weekend we joined Chad at the Anchorage Hilton for a Strong Bond event. The Hilton is about 15 minutes from our house but it’s still fun to go stay at the hotel, swim in the pool, and jump on the beds. However this means I have to pack clothes for the 2 night stay. I threw in a bunch of stuff and off we went. Naturally when you pack clothes they tend  to get wrinkled. Chad was ironing his shirt and so graciously offered to iron anything I needed. I handed him a cute little half sweater that I wear over an outfit that sleeves are just a tad too short. Chad placed the sweater on the ironing board. Looked at it for a minute and hollered to me in the bathroom.

“Honey, I don’t want to say that you are b-b-big (carefully not using the word fat) BUT…(awkward pause) are you sure this is yours?”

I started laughing right away. I thought when a man gets married somebody hands them a hand book of what not to say to their wife. That  has got to be pretty high up on the list.

Chad walked into the bathroom holding the mini sweater looking confused. Why in the world was I laughing and is this sweater really mine?

I love that boy.

men

 

 

Valentine’s Day 2013

February 15, 2013

I had a fabulous Valentine’s Day with Chad this year. First of all he was home, score, and second, Chad came up with a great game. For Valentine’s Day presents we had to get each other As Seen On TV gifts. Naturally we outlawed the Snuggie.

The free bonus book light would be nice but we don’t need to lower our Alaska heating bill, come on!

There are a lot of sweet As Seen On TV gifts out there. From kitchen gadgets, outdoor crap, health and beauty, and random stuff. All of it is things you can totally live without but would be fun to have. Such as,

WaxVac Ear Cleaner

or

Swivel Store Deluxe

or

Whisper

Nothing says love like crap.

Just like life, it was a contest. So I’m asking you, all 15 of you, to pick a winner. Chad gave me this

Mr. Lid

Mr. Lid, never lose your lid!

and

Turbie Twists

Not too shabby.

I gave Chad,

Hot Booties - Buy 1, Get 1 Free

and

Here they are all together on our couch.

photo (57)

Leave in the comments here or on Facebook, who you think bought the better gift. Oh, I forgot to give you one bit of information. Chad and I love the TV show King of Queens. When the main character turns 40, his best friend gets him the Gopher and his wife freaks out. She said his last form of exercise was getting up to get the remote and now that was taken away. OK, now you can make an informed vote…for me.

The fun didn’t stop with the As Seen On TV gifts. Chad was being funny and complained about all the aprons I was making and he wasn’t getting one. He had a right to complain! Did you see those awesome aprons from yesterday’s post? Well, it’s worth it to see them again.

Did I tell you I made 6 out of the 7 all in one day? Well I did...and I'm awesome.

Did I tell you I made 6 out of the 7 all in one day? Well I did…and I’m awesome.

Let me explain the aprons in order.

Cow: Me, Megan made me some sweet cow slippers for Christmas I wear all the time so I wanted to match. Plus I thought it would be funny that the pink pocket is the cows udders.

Halloween: Sharon, it’s hard to see the pattern but they are witch cauldron with little frogs sitting in them. It has the Shakespeare saying Double, double toil and trouble around it. Very classy.

Cupcakes: Megan, she is super sweet and makes us cookies all the time. She is very girly too so her’s was easy to pick out.

Star Trek: Heather, the fabric had a lot of red in it but I couldn’t do a red trim. All the guys who wear red shirts die, except for Scotty. We did Captain Kirk’s color instead.

Wine: Bridget, who had just WHINED about not having an apron got one. She literally texted me the week before that she needed an apron made out of wine fabric. The fabric she sent me wasn’t half as cute as the one Sara found for her. You are welcome.

Turquoise: Jamie, you can’t read the pattern but it has pots and pans on it and says stuff like cook, boil, chop. It’s really cute. I had to make her’s a little longer as Jamie is on the Army Volleyball team. Yeah, she is that good.

Flowers: Sara, she picked out the fabric. Nuff said.

Any who, I had wanted to make Chad an apron for a long time. We found this old Magic Johnston basketball jersey at a thrift store but it was size youth 12. There is no way either one of us could squeeze our adult bodies into but I bought it anyway. A couple of months ago I thought of making it into an apron for Chad when he was complaining that we didn’t have any manly aprons. So as an extra gift I cut the jersey up to use the front for an apron. It was kind of short and the back had Magic’s last name on it and I didn’t want to waste it. So I cute the back off and sewed it to the bottom of the front and flipped it up to make a pocket. It thought it looked pretty good.

285296_248189978650608_2010397493_n

Valentine morning I came down to make breakfast and Chad turned on the iPod and surprised me with some music. I had hinted I wanted the new Josh Groban album. Chad figured it out, (after some serious worry on my part) and also got me The Hobbit soundtrack. It was a fun surprise.

photo (55)

Then I gave Chad his apron. His face lit up and he put it on. It was still a little short but cute. I went to grab the camera and as he posed, I looked at him. turned my head to the side and said, “Is Johnson a slang term for your manhood?”

He looked down and started to laugh. “It sure is!”

photo (56)

Of all the basketball players from the original dream team he had to like JOHNSON the best. Not Jordan, Barkley, Malone, Mullin, or Bird.

Oi ‘vey.

Happy Valentines Day honey, enjoy your perverted apron from your loving wife!

 

P.S. Don’t forget to vote for a winner, ME!

Galentine’s Day

February 14, 2013

February 14th is for lovers, February 13th is Galentine’s Day, the day we celebrate women, no matter their relationship status. It comes from Park and Recreation.

Parks and Rec Galentines

We celebrated Galentine’s Day last year. We went and saw The Vow (ugh) and then went out to dinner. We had a great time and everybody got a mug, chosen just for them, filled with chocolate. It was great.

Galentines-Day-010

2 ladies didn’t stay for dinner so we had a total of 14 gals.
That’s a lot of lady friends.

 

This year we had half as many gals. Literally,there were 7 of us. Next year 0, but let’s not talk about that now.

Since we saw a super mushy girly movie last year, this year we saw a semi-mushy girly movie, Warm Bodies.

It was cute, and gross. I covered my eyes a couple of times. Plus they just HAD to throw in a F-bomb. Boo!

After the movie we went to dinner at Table 6. A cute little restaurant with Dr. Seuss sayings painted all over the walls. At dinner we passed out gifts. This year we all got aprons. Sara helped me pick out the fabric, sewed her own and I sewed the rest.

Super cute!

Super cute!

Then a small miracle happened and Bridget did a craft. That girl HATES crafts. As a group we have done a number of crafts and twice I have done Bridget’s for her. This was a big deal. She printed out pictures of our celebrate crushes and taped them to the front of chocolate boxes.

Ooh la la!

Ooh la la!

My box had pictures of Thor on it. I can’t even remember the name of the actor who plays Thor. I like characters in movies, not actors. Sara was being sassy when Bridget asked her who her celebrate crush was a month ago and said Yani. Bridget thought she was being serious and put Yani on her box. So next to a shirtless buff Zac Efron was a picture of this.

Meow! Nice ‘stache

It was pretty funny. Sharon (my evil friend) doesn’t have any celebrate crushes or characters from movies that she just loves. So Bridget printed off a bunch of super hot young Catholic priest. Sharon’s husband is in the process of becoming a Catholic priest and she about died when she saw pictures of this.

Forbidden fruit, yummy!

The worse box was Heather’s. Here is a close up, just take a look and judge for yourself.

Don't ask. Just walk away.

Don’t ask. Just walk away.

It was great fun. We laughed and giggled and our waiter played along with us. He asked to see our boxes and joked around with us, a great night all around.

If you didn’t celebrate Galentine’s Day this year, do it next year. All women are crazy and sometimes it hard to find other women who speak your specific brand of crazy. When you do, celebrate it. Even if it’s just one gal that gets you. Women need to stand together. Too often we judge each other on what we wear, say or do. We need to stop. We need to celebrate us. Galentine’s Day has to become a national holiday! Let’s unite, in our own separate crazy groups of course.

Beatings

February 13, 2013

Last night I had a huge headache.

I know, I know, it’s not proper manners to talk about one’s health all the time. Just bear with me.

As I laid my poor head down to sleep, my husband so generously placed his hand on my forehead. The pressure really helped. Now being a man and having the ability to shut of his brain immediately, he fell asleep right away. I being the woman, laid awake thinking of all the things I didn’t get done that day.

Suddenly my husband, who is in a deep sleep, started smacking me in the face. He must have been dreaming and it happened so suddenly it took me by surprise. He slapped my check like he was swatting a fly off of it. Then he poked me in the eye, went back to get that darn fly off of my check again, and then smacked me in the forehead like I could have had a V-8.

What the heckins?

The attack happened so quickly that I had no time to react to it. I felt like that commercial were the people are eating dinner and suddenly their food hits them in the face. Do you remember that one?

 

After my beating Chad’s hand landed in my hair as if nothing had happened. I carefully removed the weapon from my cranium and placed it on his own face. Let him take a whack at himself, heavens know I beat myself up all the time. That’s why I’m still awake at 11:00 p.m.

booty shake

Megan, you have got to teach me how to do this!

BYU vs. TCU

February 12, 2013

Last October I was sitting in Utah, alone without the children and husband. I had been asked to speak at the LDS chaplain’s wives conference. All of a sudden my phone goes off with a text. Hoping it’s Chad and the kiddos sending me love from far away, I eagerly grabbed the phone.  It was from my husband, however he was informing me that his “friend” Dallas took stole our BYU magnet off our van. What?  Just because TCU (Dallas’ school) and BYU (Chad’s school) are in the same sports conference doesn’t mean we can’t all get along.

Wrong!

I get a text from Bridget, Dallas’s better half (Oh yes I did!) and the following conversation took place.

photo

photo (4)

Ok, ok, maybe you can say I started this whole thing by dressing up Dallas’ truck in BYU blue, but that was just in fun. I sure the heck did NOT hold his truck up by gun point.

The worse part about all this is that I am stuck in Utah while those weirdoes have their way with the beloved symbol of a fine university. A university that has engrave in stone outside of it’s gates, “The glory of God is intelligence.” and “Enter to learn, go forth to serve.” Do you know what TCU’s motto is? “Learning is Power.” Power for what? The power to join some Greek fraternity or sorority and look hot? The power to spend mom and dad’s money? If yes, than TCU has got it going on.

I had to focus on my speech and put Bridget and Dallas debauchery behind me till I could do something about it. That was kind of hard as all week long I kept getting photos of them torturing our BYU magnet. Take a look at the following.

photo (5)

photo (1)

photo (6)

Rude.

After Bridget and her husband had their way with our beloved BYU magnet, he was returned to us, shaken, traumatized, humiliated but in one piece.

Did he have to attend therapy?

Yes, yes he did. Well wouldn’t you after being water boarded in their toilet, held at gunpoint, forced to witness foul language and ladies who just can’t seem to find their shirt AND THEN stuck in a pile of moose feces?

Did we send the therapy bill to Bridget and Dallas?

Sure did.

Did they pay it?

Nope, but jokes on them. We are charging interest on the unpaid balance and plan on waiting a couple of years before we sue.  Take that.  Phew, phew (finger air guns).

Since the big bucks aren’t coming for a while, my husband and I find ourselves in an awkward position. People we had at one point called friend,  have hurt us. What to do, what to do? Being good Christians we natural turned to the scriptures for the answer. There are two schools of thought.

One comes to us from the Old Testament. Exodus 21:23-24 says, “And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. “ (Yes, that is ye old King James version of the Bible, that’s just how us Mormons roll.) This scripture means if you break something of mine, I get to break something of yours. Equality is what they are shooting for here, fairness. That seems good.

The other thought process is found in the New Testament.  It is recorded in Matthew 5:39, “But I say into you, That ye resist evil: but whosever shall smite thee on the right check, turn unto him the other also.” So if you smack me in the face, I will not hit back. I will just take it and know in my heart that you are going to hell and shall burn for all eternity in a lake of fire and brimstone. That seems good in the long run.

Interesting…we went with option number one and with craftiness that made the lord of sinners grin, I found myself in the possession of Dallas’ TCU Christmas ornament. Since I had sinned (thou shalt not steal, oopsie) I went to church to repent, and brought my new stolen found friend along with me.

I am a Mormon, I know it, I live it, I love it!

I am a Mormon, I know it, I live it, I love it!

I sent Bridget a nice text with the above picture asking if perhaps it was alright if Mr. Horned Frog would like to join our church. Her response….”Shut the front door!!” I wasn’t sure if that was a yes or no but I’m 100% sure she was shocked. To this day she still doesn’t know how I came about with their Christmas ornament. The baby Jesus knows and he is not telling anyone.

Since we are going for the eye for an eye theory, it was time for us to torture Mr. Horned Frog. First up was a hard fought battle in which wisdom was used to destroy that purple covered animal’s confidence with all the wit, skill and strategy BYU has taught us in a game of,

photo(6)

“It’s too quiet and sweet in this house! Get me outta here!”

Candy Land. Mr. Horned Frog did well but alas, was not a winner and there was wailing and gnashing of teeth. Too bad buddy. Maybe you will do better in Hungry Hungry Hippos. (Hahaha, he can’t push the lever to open the pink plastic hippo’s mouth. Sucka.)

Next we used Mr. Horned Frog for some manual labor. The tire on our truck Mator, went flat and guess who had to change it? Since it was taking forever and some guys who walked out of McDonalds offered to help, Mr. Horned Frog got off pretty easy on this one. At least he had to wait out in the freezing snow. Bwahhaha.

photo(8)

“Sigh, where is the jack?”

It’s time for torture at the movies. This is easy, just hit up a kid show. I personally love them but I know for a fact that Bridget fell asleep in Cars 2. She is not a fan. I figured Mr. Horned Frog wouldn’t be one too, so we took him to,

photo(7)

“Help, I think I’ve been blinded for liiiiiiife!”

Wreck-It Ralph in 3D. We even found some glasses for Mr. Horned Frog to wear, pink ones at that! What did we learn from watching Wreck-It Ralph? That the saying everyone’s nostril is the same size as their first finger is not true. There is no way Ralph could ever pick his nose. Good observation children, you make a mother proud and a horned frog roll his little plaster eyes.

The very last thing we had left for Mr. Horned Frog was a visit to the dentist. I am a rabid anti-dentite. (Why? Read It Doesn’t Hurt or   Creeeeepy to find out.) So naturally I hauled this little guy to see my dentist. He had to get his front teeth pulled out. Ouch!

This dentist also went to BYU and has a custom license plate, high five!

This dentist also went to BYU and has a custom license plate.Fist pump followed by fireworks!

At the end of his forced time with us, I think Mr. Horned Frog started to enjoy being tortured by us even though he put on 2.5 pounds from eating cake. (Hello Stockholm syndrome). I don’t think he really missed all the swearing, alcohol, and smelly boys telling bad jokes at Bridget’s house. I think we just might have made a lifelong friend…until football starts.

photo(9)

“Do I have to go back? I love it here!”

This is my side of the story. To hear Bridget’s version go to Twinisms. Do it.

Watch out for TCU people, they have crazy eyes!

Friends despite our husband.